Oh yea.. forgot to answer it myself.

(b)

.. yes my first sift talk post is about poop..

Fold and wipe. Front to back. No one likes shitty balls.

If in a dire situation and you only have a really small bit (say a few sheets) but a whole job to clean, then you poke a hole through the middle of the sheets,(save the punch, you'll need it) wear the TP like a ring around the top knuckle, and use your finger to scrape the dark matter from the black hole. Pinch the TP around your finger and pull it off your finger trying to pull as much of the mess with it. Still have that punch? Use it to clean up the residual poo and scrape under your fingernail.


Field survival 101

Not that I've ever had to do that, of course... A good Marine always brings extra TP.

I call my mommy and she wipes my poopy butt.

Lol, funny enough, this conversation was with a Marine buddy of mine and some friends. For some reason when drinking with any of my marines buddies, conversations always come down to poop.. or other such interesting things. =P

But when it comes down to the USMC, all I know is that is that I wouldn't be able to handle being in the USMC. I thought I could.. till I was told about "The Silver Bullet". The fact that I overheat when I pt on my own that if I were to go on a 6 mile hump in 92 degree weather and hydrated every 5 minutes I'd still pass out easy and the idea of gettin "The Silver Bullet".. *shivers* no thanks.. =P

(B)

Continuous folding to maximize the efficiency of the paper until it is too thick to use.

WTF does crumple and wipe mean?

I make origami rosettes.

A) But I wipe back to front, because I like to live dangerously.

I drag my ass across the carpet like a dog.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

Crumpler.

i'm front-to-back folder. and like mgr I never go anywhere without extra TP

(B)

And thx for that info MG. Quite informative yet strangely necessary in this general topic.

We got into this conversation about 7 years ago at my old workplace. Statistically, men fold while women "bunch". I've always folded my self. Time to put the Way Too Much Information file away.

(a), but I think the more pressing issue is, TP on the roll: over or under?

Toilet Paper? What's that? I use 3 sea shells.

Girls don't poop. But if I were to by some strange happenstance, I'd be a crumpler.

Fold with the ball lift for easier access and avoid any contamination. Ass wiping technology really hasn't changed much in the last hundred or so years. Okay maybe we aren't using our hands any more (well at least not in modern nations), but TP just wipes it off, its not like it completely gets rid of it. I guess they sell moist sterilizing wipes now for finishing, though it doesn't seem to have caught on.

B.

I think toilet paper is a huge waste of time.

Okay that came out sounding wrong as a statement, but here in the Middle East, due to the Islamic belief that cleanliness is next to godliness almost every house and toilet has a bidet, which is a small shower head that you use to sprinkling your unmentionable areas.

The first time I tried it, it felt weird to shoot water up my ass basically, but then I got used to it, and it's much cleaner then using toilet paper, not to mention environmentally friendly since you don't cut up so many damn trees.

Now whenever I travel to places that don't have bidet I always feel like its not as clean of a wipe then usual.

The Lonely Planet of Toilet Etiquette With Farhad

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

I've tried bidets but maybe I don't have the knack. Doesn't seem as effective at TP - and what do you do about the wet bum after?

You just shake your butt in the air like you just don't care! I mean it's really just water so it all drips off, you use it for a while obviously so you don't have any shit left over.

^So what you're saying is that you douche. Why am I not surprised?

we used a bidet in brasil also.
I actually like it better, no clingons.
When I was a kid and we moved there, my first encounter w/ a bidet resulted in water dripping off the ceiling because I had no idea what it was and just turned it on ~ full blast of course. In a hotel. I got yelled at.

What do Captain Picard and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.

*quality

</threadspam>

Awarding ChosenOne with one star point for this contribution to Sift Talk - declared quality by MarineGunrock.

>> ^MarineGunrock:
They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.


...to wipe out. (Had to add that last part. )

What did Spock see in Kirk's bathroom?
Captain's Log.

Why did Capt. Kirk piss on the cieling?
Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

...I think that's all the Star Trek potty humor I know.

I remember this weird guy with a trained monkey coming over to my mom's house one day. we sat there in the dinning room, drinking liquer (monkey too) when after a while, the monkey started doing some weird sign-language so the guy asked me if I can show the monkey where the toilet is. I took the monkey's hand and it followed me to the toilet. After I opened the door, the monkey did everything on its own, like it was living there for years and not just visiting. I watched, feeling a bit like a pervert... The monkey was a crumpler, back-to-front. Even washed its hands afterwards.

>> ^kulpims:
I remember this weird guy with a trained monkey coming over to my mom's house one day. we sat there in the dinning room, drinking liquer (monkey too) when after a while, the monkey started doing some weird sign-language so the guy asked me if I can show the monkey where the toilet is. I took the monkey's hand and it followed me to the toilet. After I opened the door, the monkey did everything on its own, like it was living there for years and not just visiting. I watched, feeling a bit like a pervert... The monkey was a crumpler, back-to-front. Even washed its hands afterwards.



Score one for my mom. Apparently a monkey would make a better house guest than me.

I'd been scrolling through the comments for 5 minutes in a desperate attempt to understand how to either crumple or fold water until Farhad's comment made me realise that TP is referring to some kind of paper.

So now for the rest of the world:
(A) splash and shake
(B) splash and wait
(C) splash and blow dry
(D) I don't feel uncomfortable in wet underwear
(E) I live someplace so hot and humid that it doesn't matter
(F) I live in Alaska.

>> ^MarineGunrock:
Fold and wipe. Front to back. No one likes shitty balls.
If in a dire situation and you only have a really small bit (say a few sheets) but a whole job to clean, then you poke a hole through the middle of the sheets,(save the punch, you'll need it) wear the TP like a ring around the top knuckle, and use your finger to scrape the dark matter from the black hole. Pinch the TP around your finger and pull it off your finger trying to pull as much of the mess with it. Still have that punch? Use it to clean up the residual poo and scrape under your fingernail.
Field survival 101


Do I smell a how-to video being made, posted to YouTube, then sifted?

I seriously hope not.

>> ^kronosposeidon:
I call my mommy and she wipes my poopy butt.


Is that you, Eric Cartman? http://static.gamesradar.com/images/mb/GamesRadar/us/Features/2008/09/South%20Park%202008%20Contest%20Feature/cartman%20crap--article_image.jpg

34 comments about 'different types of ass wipes'. So this is what Videosift is all about.

No wonder I have such a hard time getting my videos sifted.