Start Spreading The News: Dystopian Future Today!
Merry Christmas, Mr. Future; the war is over
There once was a man from Dystopia
Whose dick was
And inside a log
He kept a large frog
That he used to pleasure his...uh...WE'LL DO IT LIVE! FUCK IT!¹
"What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others."
Sounds like he beat another famous dude by about 500 years.
On this plane of mortal existence, DFT began his many lives as a poor Chinese man, but through wisdom and talent he rose all the way to the position of provincial justice minister. However, as so many righteous public servants learn sooner or later, his boss was a dick, so he quit. Undeterred, he still believed in ethics, and his teachings live on and inspire to this day.
This is gonna suck!
After DFT's spirit departed the East, he awoke in a land of many city-states that frequently waged war on each other. He himself was a soldier during this period, and a brave one at that. Still he was a philospher at heart, and that is ultimately what got his ass in hot water. He quickly learned that governments frown on "corrupting the minds of the youth." These days they defend the same tactics by calling it "protecting our family values." Same as it ever was.
Now DFT could have escaped his punishment, but he took his sentence like a man, based on principles. But even death didn't stop him, because he was just getting started.
That's right, DFT; don't take your eye off him. Never trust a guy named John with a crown
After a few centuries DFT learned how to play the game better, and was soon bringing kings to their knees. Getting to that point can take a toll on a man's soul, however. Beating the man forces one to come to terms with the frailties of human nature, and the realizations can be grim. They can even turn you into that which you despise....
IM IN UR CATHEDRAL, BLINDING UR ARCHITECT
....Even a downright paranoid prick. But then DFT met a beautiful princess.²
"Sure, I'll be happy to come up to your room to see your etchings, furrriend."
And her beautiful heart filled his heart with song. So much song, in fact, that he became a professional musician, and this is the song he wrote her:
Maybe a little sappy³, but it went multi-platinum. Who are we to argue with success?
Great things soon followed...
IM IN UR ENLIGHTENMENT, FOUNDING A NASHUN OF LAWS
...Yet there would still be problems from time to time.....
"Last time I'll EVER be a Republican."
....Because no matter what you do, there's always some asshole who wants to take you down.
But he's never given up hope. To hell with Mastercard moments, because THAT is priceless.
_________________________________________
And I ain't kidding. There are few people I personally know who have done more to reach out to so many people of all political stripes, in an attempt to engage in honest dialogue, because he believes in humanity. In other words DFT has hope, and he's doing his best to spread it. Now to some, spreading ANYTHING around earns you the title of "socialist"...
"Hey cat, could you redistribute some of your hair, a little bit to the left?"
...but we all know that true socialists have male pattern baldness, so obviously that label isn't appropriate.
Whether you agree with DFT or not on the issues, you have to admit that he's knowledgeable about them, and that he's willing to communicate with anyone about them. THAT'S how you make the world a better place. That's all he wants. He wants to make America a better place again too. He wants to turn things around, so that we're once again viewed with respect by the world.
In other words, our friend wants to take us away from this:
To a place that inspired all of mankind with this:
Hey, my country has pulled off a few cool things, hasn't it? I believe we've still got a few more cool tricks up our sleeve, and so does DFT. And if we can get more people like him, I know it's gonna happen.
So please give it up for our friend DFT; a smart, thoughtful, talented, and funny dude. Farewell to kings I say, but I won't begrudge him his crown.
Thanks for being such a good friend, keep up the good work, and keep on rockin' in the free world.
<object style='width:540px;height:466px;' width='540' height='466' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' data='http://www.myvideo.de/movie/5686696'>
_____________________________
1. Worst. Limerick. Ever.
2. Issy was my first friend here. She makes everyone happy.
3. My son found this video, bless his heart. I was originally going to go with this. Skip the 30 second intro, then grab a box of tissues. InuYasha and Kagome forever! *sniff*
56 Comments
kronosposeidon*promote
*bromance
siftbotSelf promoting this Sift Talk post - promote requested by original submitter kronosposeidon.
rottenseedCongrats DFT...not a more worthy don of the crown. In fact...the only worthy one (other than zifnab and farhad).
rasch187Who's a good kitty? Congrats, dft, at least this day isn't too dystopian.
lucky760Wowzers. Congra-haaaa-chewlayshins Mister Tee.
Enjoy your crown. You wear it well. Thanks for all your 1000 contributions.
ThylanThat's some serious *quality in that effort. seriously. awesome DFT.
siftbotAwarding kronosposeidon with one star point for this contribution to Sift Talk - declared quality by Thylan.
SarzyAll hail king DFT! I'll assume that as king, you'll bring us one step closer to that dystopian future that you've been promising.
And KP, you've outdone yourself. Sweet googily moogily, this is elaborate, and -- dare I say it -- *quality work (and that goes for you too, DFT).
siftbotkronosposeidon has already been awarded a star point for this post - ignoring quality request by Sarzy.
laurawhoa nelly!
I curtsey and hand you a plate of freshly baked brownies as my tribute to the newest king.
Have a nice trip!
(and congrats, man...thanks for all the awesome vids)
SarzyLooks like Quick Draw McGraw has beaten me to the punch. Way to make me look like a fool, Thylan!
campionidelmondoAll hail the dystopian future cat and his crown! Congrats!
blankfistCongrats! That's a great achievement, Dystopian Future in Trondheim. Wear your monarchical adornment with pride. But, just between you and me, I think KP may have a bit of a man crush on you. If you read between the lines of this post, you'll see A) KP isn't getting laid and B) he keeps reiterating that you two should "Just Do It". I'm just saying, don't drop the soap in the chat lounge.
Good job, KP, you've truly outdone yourself. Only you can create a congratulatory post where everyone also congratulates you. You may be a narcissist. KhoggiePoseidon.
Congrats, DFT! I can't wait for the next milestone.
MycroftHomlz*taunt
*bromance
*hits on issi
thinker247That post was much too disjointed for me, so I ignored it like KP ignores his illegitimate children. (Sorry blankfist and rottenseed)
Congratulations, King of Dystopia!
calvadosGrats DFT!
and GJ KP as per
ZonbieNice one DFT!
Another even handed rulr of the undersift - Or Wrath of the Tyrant!
If you refer to us as 'Puny humans' we will have our answer
Congrats! Keep posting the dark!
I likes!
MarineGunrockWo0t!
dystopianfuturetodayEpic post KP! Thanks everybody. I love this place.
schmawyYeah DFT! Long live King Frankenbutt!
OrnthoronCongratulations! Your sifts are an inspiration, from John Cage to Dadaist Avant-Garde. They make the present a little less dystopian.
alien_conceptDFT, you are wicked mate! Your contributions to the whole sift are varied and classic, much respect and time for your good self. Of course if I wasn't fully aware of how hard issy kicks ass, I would have totally jumped you by now. Ahhh c'est la vie...
*hits on issy
nibiyabi*grovel
Congratulations!
gwiz665This is all sorts of awesome. Many congrats, dft. You damn well deserve it.
kulpimscongrats, dft!
*watching a_c and issy making out
maatcI for one welcome our new dystopian overlord. Congrats!
IssykittyLOL!
I can attest to the fact that my DFT is overwhelmed by your most wonderfully-crafted, heartfelt super-awesome-stupendous tribute you have presented to him! True Genius, my furriend!
I'm proud of my DFT.
Congrats to my love!
paul4dirthooray hooray, ill just post this in dutch so nobody will understand:
gefeliciteerd! en wat een fantastische video's staan er in je lijst, draag de kroon met trots want ik zie nu al hoewel ik hier pas net ben wat voor 'n uitdaging zoiets zou geven. dus nogmaals, van harte!
eric3579DFT, your the best! KP, bang up job!
Congrats!
MrConradsWooHoo!!! Congrats! ... wait! it's the four horsemen of the sift!! RUN!!!
dotdudeSo does the Sift get divided into FOUR KINGDOMS now?
thegrimsleeperCongratulations dystopianfuturetoday, well deserved.
gourmetemuYou DFT....oh I suppose you can't hear me clapping...and now people at work are staring at me....congratulations though, my liege.
CrosswordsPARTAY TIME IN DYSTOPIAN SIFT!! The radio active mutant rat folk will bring the banners and streams and the assless chap wearing, crossbow wielding road warriors can supply the music!
swampgirlOnce a King or Queen of Siftopia, always a King or Queen of Siftopia.
Congrats D
FjnbkUpvote this comment if kronosposeidon needs to get a job.
That said, congratulations DFT! I remember when you were just a probie, you've come a long way.
ZifnabCongrats on your epic climb DFT, it couldn't have happened to a more deserving cat. Congrats!
mintbbbWooooooohooooooooo! Congrats!!!! =)
NetRunnerBig congrats, DFT. Hopefully tomorrow you'll be able to change your name to dystopianpastyesterday.
You've definitely earned your crown. Enjoy being able to merge dupes!
youdiejoe*epic congrats!
gorgonheapWow all through history has our black cat friend taken up the call for a dystopian future. Yet want's it today. Which by nature is a contradiction. Therefore through logical deduction time either does not exist or is not understood by DFT. Meaning he's a being that exists in 'the space between space' or some similar vague plane of immortality. In summation the only definite thing we know about you DFT... is that we know nothing... Ohhh, how profound and mysterious, girls love mysterious men... I know because I call several everyday and just breathe heavy on my end of the phone. Makes me mysterious, and likable.
Oh, and congrats!
EklekThis is a great epic way of honouring the new real dark (he's topping the dark channel charts, folx!!!) bronze king!:) May he be benign in his rule and may his baton bring more magnificent cute dark funny political arty wtf video symphonies instead..
dystopianfuturetodayUtopianPresentTomorrow?
>> ^NetRunner:
Big congrats, DFT. Hopefully tomorrow you'll be able to change your name to dystopianpastyesterday.
You've definitely earned your crown. Enjoy being able to merge dupes!
berticusyou people amaze me getting to 1000! way to go dft.
DeanoWoah, the bar of these posts is being raised ever higher! Congrats KP, and of course, DFT!
dagComment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)
Congrats Mr. Today - thanks for all your work on the Sift.
It's good to be king, have your own way.
Get a feeling of peace at the end of the day.
It's good to get high, and never come down -
it's good to be king of your own little town.
(TP)
KreegathCongratulations!
UsesProzacThis post was lovely and almost worthy of the Great Furry One.
rottenseed>> ^UsesProzac:
This post was lovely and almost worthy of the Great Furry One.
Is that...um...is that a pet name for your...uh...your...you know...thingy?
moodoniaCongratulations on your royalness, you well deserve it for all the great stuff you share!
UsesProzacUhm, then it would be the Great Shaved One, rottenseed.
KevlarIt seems fitting that after my DC jaunt, I would return to find one of our own kings of politicking checking out his new shiny crown. Congrats, bro.
burdturglerBig Belated Grats DFT!!
LadyDeathCongrats,Im late as always,I haven't been here lately,but I am back and wow is nice to see we have another King
CaptWillardIs "better late than never" a good excuse? Congratulations!
jonnycongrats on the crown, and kudos on the post.
But what's with all the channel assignments?
*nochannel
Discuss...
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