Cheese Addiction

Well, it's been two months since I promised a "how-to" cooking blog. I kind of lost track back then. I think the best way is to private message me with requests, and then sporadically, when the mood strikes, I'll try to answer them in cooking talk.

Two months ago, deputydog asked:
is there somewhere i can go for my mature cheddar cheese addiction?

This is a serious problem which affects us all. Cheese addiction affects over 50 percent of the population, ruining families, and destroying lives.

What are the symptoms of cheese addiction? There are many, but the foremost is a marked desire to consume large amounts of delicious, delicious cheese at every given opportunity. For deputydog it may just be mature cheddar, for countless others it may be Mozzarella Di Buffala, Limberger, Manchego, Castello di Roma, Parmigiano, Piave, Chevre, or Brie.

Other symptoms include
  • Uncontrollable salivation at the mere mention of gooey, luxurious melted raclette,
  • Urges to find and eat crispy toasted provolone
  • Lust for even just a picture of some aged emmental cheese with its wonderful holes.

  • Knowledge of all local Greek restaurants and which serve the best flamed Kefalograviera cheese (Street name: Saganaki)


  • While the problem is multifaceted, people should be aware of some of the so-called "gateway cheeses" like creme fraiche, cottage cheese (sometimes known by its street name 'curds'), or ricotta. "I'll just have a little, it goes well with some fresh apple slices" a young person might think. Before long, it's cream cheese and mascarpone, then exotics like cambozola or tallegio, and soon after they are spending their entire pay cheque on hard cheeses like Peccorino Romano or Grana Padano. It's a sad story that professionals such as myself see day after day.

    Other dangers include cheese burgers. These, seemingly innocent food items, can send a chronic cheese addict over the edge, into binge consumption. Especially dangerous are so called 'blue cheese' burgers, with their insidious use of seriously habit forming cheeses like stilton, roquefort or gorgonzola.

    Lasagna; Omlettes; Pizza; Salads; Sandwiches; Soups; Chicken; Pork; Vegetables like Rapini, Broccoli, Asparagus, Cauliflower; Mushrooms, the list of foods that a serious addict may consume with his habit is almost endless.

    For example, a sautee of fresh nova scotia fiddleheads in some olive oil chilies and garlic, then deglazed with a dry white wine and served with melted danish blue is pure ecstasy to the afflicted.

    Or a deep rich french onion soup with a garlic rubbed crostini of baguette with some grated gruyere toasted on the top can warm the soul of a poor cheese addict like almost nothing else.

    Or even the simple grilled cheese sandwich! With the addition of a few filets of anchovy, and use of a suitable cheese like Mozzarella di Bufala, this traditional 'gateway dish' becomes something more- a habit forming problem of its own.

    So in conclusion, there is no easy answer for a serious cheese addiction. While many programs exist, the mere sight of a tray of fresh fruit, sage darby, asiago, manchego and boschetto al tartufo will send even the hardest rehab graduate spiralling back into their love of all things cheesy.

    My recommendation is to embrace your addiction. Find people who enable you, and then find yourself the nearest cheese shop- and indulge!

    I think I'll have some smoked gouda myself! mmmmm!
    djsunkid says...

    Little known fact: if you write a long paean proclaiming your love of cheese -- it doesn't matter how cleverly or wittily you disguise it as a dire warning -- Within a short period of time you will DIE if you don't eat some delicious delicious cheese. Thank god my girlfriend had a stash of havarti in the fridge.

    deputydog says...

    oh, the power of words. as i read that i became increasingly hungry - i now have a block of ridiculously mature cheddar in one fist and an apple in the other (i type using teeth and nose during feeding hours). i'm off to get some parma ham.

    cheers djsunkid.

    MINK says...

    mmmm nice article man I was vegan for about 3 months before I gave in to the cheese. Especially in an omelette.

    For those of you watching in Lithuanian:

    Rokiškio
    Džukijos
    Medžiotojų

    and the brie is nice too.

    But my real addiction is the "varškė"... basically curds / cottage cheese but in many many variations... it's niiice, you can put it with absolutely anything, sweet or savoury. It's everywhere.

    You can even get it in a lump covered in chocolate called "Surelis". This is so rich I can't really eat a whole one, but it's everywhere. People are addicted. A friend once shouted in a 24/7: "WHAT KIND OF SHOP DOESN'T HAVE SURELIS???" and wouldn't leave until we dragged him out.

    lithuanian pastries filled with varškė:
    http://www.qedata.se/bilder/gallerier/litauiskt-galleri/mat/konditori.jpg

    choggie says...

    There is no cheese that I would not eat, few that I have not eaten, and none that is so stinky that I would not spread it on anything suitable and chow.

    a nice wheel a Gouda smoked slow next to the BBQ, and eaten while waiting for the carne.....mmmmmmmmmmmmm!

    Welsh Rarebit:
    Ingredients

    * 25g Butter
    * 150ml Welsh ale-(use milk, if you don't want to have trippy dreams)
    * 175g mature Welsh farmhouse Cheese (you can replace this with the sharpest cheddar you prefer-(NO SUBSTITUTES FOR SHARPNESS!)-meaning no poncy chesse you happen to have lying about
    * 25g Flour
    * 1/2 tsp prepared mild Mustard (Coleman's is best)
    * 2 egg yolks
    * 4 slices bread

    Method

    1. Place the butter, milk or ale and cheese in a saucepan and heat gently until melted and smooth in consistency.

    2. Stir in the flour, and bring the mixture to the boil, stirring constantly.

    3. Remove from the heat and add the mustard and seasoning. Leave to cool for 5 minutes, then whisk in the eggs.

    4. Toast the bread on one side, turn over and divide the rarebit mixture between the slices.

    5. Place under a hot grill and cook until bubbling and golden.
    Welsh rarebit is traditionally served on toast, sometimes with a poached egg on top. Many chefs have taken to using the rarebit mixture for more adventurous dishes such as a topping for fillet of Welsh beef, or cod. It's ideal as a vegetarian dish and is exceptionally good poured over roasted vegetables, then baked in the oven until golden.
    You can add various flavourings to the rarebit base such as herbs, fresh chilli, garlic, cooked leeks, chopped ham

    Perfectionist's note: Welsh Rarebit is a stand-alone affair-a good sourdough is best-Her starter's activity, together with the beer's yeast and other constituent's, the actives in the cheese, the mustard, have produced repeatable mildly psychoactive, nocturnal effects when eaten on an empty stomach, just prior to bed.-choggie hasn't made this in a number of years-djsunkid is about to, and tell us all about his whacky night-moves......

    raven says...

    MMmmm.... nice rarebit recipe Choggie! Although if yer feelin' lazy, I can recommend a similar equivalent... Welsh Red Dragon Cheese... its a cheddar with the ale and the mustard already mixed in... OMG so good! I know Whole Foods carries it... really the only reason I ever go there is for the cheese and olives, can't beat their selection I'm sad to say.

    Other tasty cheeses I adore: Spanish Manchengo, a nice soft Port Salute, a slightly warmed Camembert, Drunken Goat, extra Aged Gouda, and this delicious Goat Chevre made by a local goat farm... oh it is heaven indeed!

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